Metanoia

What is Metanoia?

The journey of changing one's mind, heart, self or way of life.

This word describes exactly what I'm going through presently in my life - in almost all aspects.

If I have to start at the top I'd say the biggest change has been to my hair: I finally went ahead and big chopped!

A few days after the Big chop

Now it's been nearly two months since I cut all my hair off to start anew and embrace my God-given kinks, coils and curls and what a journey it has been. (I decided last year that I was going to try the natural route at least once in my life and decided that it would be at some point in my twenties.)

The decision to big chop wasn't my first choice, I actually wanted to transition for quite awhile before going for the BC but things didn't go quite the way I'd planned.


I started transitioning (slowly growing the relaxer out) around November of last year and like with all things in my life once I throw myself into something I give it my all - I stopped blow-drying and flat-ironing, started moisturizing with coconut oil, began co-washing and tried to comb my hair as gently as I could.

The first six months went by with no hassle and then my hair became a tangled mess. My roots were thick and sort of took a life of their own but weirdly were much easier to comb than my parched and much thinner relaxed ends which knotted up all the time. Even wearing my hair in protective styles was simply not working.

So I needed something new. A change. I decided on: bra strap length box braids.

Baby girl posing with her mama :)

When I wore braids

Having thin, small box braids was totally awesome! For the first time in my life I could get up in the morning, have a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, sip some coffee and not give a damn about my hair or what I'd do with it.

It put things in perspective for me. Hair shouldn't ever dominate how you live your life! You shouldn't dread going to the beach or pass up an opportunity to swim in summer because you're terrified your hair is gonna get all kroes. It's just a sin to miss out on such fun because of something so superficial as hair. Really?


I was feeling so good about myself, my hair and the future and I was adamant I was going to go natural come what may up until the point of taking the braids out.

We (my sisters and I) took out each braid out individually slowly and gently but despite those efforts, the braids did my hair no favours.

My hair was a hot mess and my ends were putrid. I was devastated. My transitioning period was now officially over and I decided to big chop there and then.

After cutting the braids into a 'Bob'

 Every single strand that appeared to be relaxed was cut off and I was left with a kinky TWA (teeny weeny afro) that I needed to come to very serious grips with. I felt very ugly and so unfeminine.

Some natural hair blogs say that as your relaxer grows out you're left with scab hair - hair that's rough and tough, very dry and unmanageable (possibly for applying relaxer directly onto the scalp which is absorbed into the skin) for awhile before your 'real' hair starts showing.


With that in mind, I decided there is no way the hair I was seeing was my real natural hair but rather scab hair and therefore I thought: well then you must go too!

My dad took me to his barber for a 'number three'.  A 'zero' is when the scalp is completely clean-shaven.
It felt surreal seeing my cotton-wool-like locks drop to the floor but also strangely liberating and exhilarating.

As I gazed at my now 'open' face in the mirror. I felt proud and pretty and strong. And I thought to myself: 'I'm going to rock this shit!'

And so far I have! I love my hair. I love how soft it feels thought it might now look like it. I adore it's thickness! I love how how my curl pattern varies from place to place on my head. I love how quickly it takes to 'do' my hair. I enjoy playing, twisting and touching my little knots and twists :)

I never thought the day would come, but I really love my hair!

Crazy how I had to cut it all off in order to realise that.